member spotlight questions answered
joe joe part two (the questions that don't suck) stella bea byron
how would you describe ‘freedom’ in your own words?

with the lyrics to george michael's freedom, of course.

what would your last meal be?

if we're talking death row inmate style last meal, i'm going to go all out depending on my mood. with my mood being my impending demise lingering over my head, i'd probably go for something terribly unhealthy. because fuck it.

what's your most prized possession?

a necklace given to me by a family member.

what's been your biggest accomplishment in the last five years?

not killing any of my students or coworkers.

what's the best decision you've ever made?

obviously deciding to let you ask me all of these questions.

when is it okay to lie?

white lies don't really hurt anyone.

which of the seven deadly sins are you most guilty of?

pride. always pride.

why do they cotton swab the guy's arm with rubbing alcohol before a lethal injection?

standard medical procedure although it seems useless in that moment.

Why do 24 hour, 7 days a week (Including holidays!) Super Markets have locks on their door?

because sometimes they have to close, joe.

Why do Aliens abduct Humans if we are an inferior race?

to conduct experiments on us and sell us into slavery to do their bidding.

Why are rat traps in the car-care section of my supermarket

go call your local super market.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

i can't believe i'm answering these questions seriously. but no.

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

what bullshit website did you get these from?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

how drunk were you when you decided to give me these questions to answer?

Do blind people feel 'Love at first sight'?

go ask a blind person and see how far that gets you.

Why is the meaning of life hard to find when you have a dictionary?

because i bludgeoned you to death with the fucking dictionary before i could find out.

the rest of joe's inane questions were redacted for the sake of portia's sanity
what's your favorite sex story?

the one where we had to share a room in new hampshire and i locked you out for three hours.

does it involve a closet? it should involve a closet.

i'm beginning to think all of you are the ones with the fetish for small spaces.

aren't you glad you listened to roxy and i, and that you and jason got your shit together? (the answer is yes, by the way)

don't ever consider starting a dating service. for the love of god.

what is your favorite class to teach?


do you have a favorite student?

the ones that don't try to blow up the biology lab.

do you have a favorite co-worker? (that better be me)

actually it's stella.

if you were to plan the next murder mystery party, what theme would you do?

i thought the old hollywood one was going to be black dahlia themed but i was wrong. i feel a little game of thrones for saying this but someone getting murdered at a wedding.

how much are you going to kill me after all of these questions?

i'm feeding you to the sharks.

Where do you go and what do you do to wind down/relax?

my couch with a bottle of wine or whatever kind of drink i'm in the mood for.

What TV show do you most identify with?

i still identify with house more than any human being should.

What is your favorite season of the year?


If you woke up tomorrow as an animal, what animal would you choose to be?

a sloth or an otter to see what all of the fuss is about.

Are you where you thought you’d be at this point in your life?

i never thought i'd go into academia, so no. i'm not exactly complaining though.

What is one thing you wish you had known at 21?

that i wasn't as smart as i thought i was.

What song do you secretly like but won’t admit it elsewhere?

i liked blank space by taylor swift. there.

What's one song you will never skip on your playlist?

bohemian rhapsody.

Where is the weirdest place you have seen someone you know?

i got invited to a bachelorette party at a strip club and saw one of my attendings while i was still an intern there too. he saw me recognize him and ran to the bathroom.

If you could visit any fictional town, what would it be?

twin peaks? i think i'd do well there.

What is the worst advice you have ever been given?

"don't worry, everything happens for a reason".

What's something in the world that you would change if you had the power to do so?

everyone gets access to afforable healthcare and medical treatment.

Do you believe in fatalism?

no. there's too many unknown factors at play for everything to be inevitable. besides, of course, death.

Pancakes or waffles? Coffee or tea? French fries or mashed potatoes?

Waffles, tea, french fries.

What five songs could sum up the last year of your life?

karma police by radiohead, sleep to dream by fiona apple, lightning field by sneaker pimps, the world is not enough - garbage. that's all i've got.

Who would play you in a Lifetime movie version of your life?

since this is lifetime, i can't exactly ask amy adams to slum it, now can i? let's go with the hot maid from american horror story.

If your walls could talk, what would they say about you?

that i need to stop trying to be an interior designer and they've had enough of my constant remodelling.

You're stuck on an island with a celebrity you can't stand, who is it and do you throw them in the ocean once they start to annoy you?

at this point, i feel like any sane person would answer donald trump. let's go with charlie sheen and me telling him there's a shipment of cocaine in the middle of the ocean so i don't have to do the dirty work.

share a list of 3 phobias and 3 manias
feeling smothered, being buried alive, failure. being a workaholic. none of the other manias listed describe me except maybe nymphomania. that was a joke. or was it?
if you were an ice cream flavor which one would you be and why say you this?
pistachio? because it's the first i thought of. knee jerk reaction. i'm going with it.
what's your favorite planet in our solar system?
honestly i wasn't that interested in astronomy but mars is looking like a viable option with our current world predicaments.
what's your favorite technological advancement of all time?
the microscope.
what's your favorite household chore? (sounds contradictory but go with it)
i actually like vacuuming.